What I've learned:
1. Don't try to talk your kids into going back into bed at 6 a.m. when they want "hot pink chocolate milk stirred." Just make it for them, turn on cartoons, then go back to sleep.
2. Don't put your kids in the bathtub, then try to wash your hair in the sink. They will start to fight, and distracted you will whack your nose on the counter when you go to flip your hair into the sink.
3. Blood is hard to get out of cotton tank top. You are better off to just bleach it the first time and hope that the purple doesn't turn green.
4. Don't yell at screaming kids, threatening to beat them, then run outside to move your garden hoses to the next brown spot in the yard (that the automatic sprinklers miss) in said tank top, and bleeding nose. Someone will see you, and your neighbors will talk.
5. If the coffee is weak and you have no cake for breakfast, maybe you better send your kids to a sitter and start drinking, because it is all down hill from there!